


Warmth that Will Never Soothe

by tillthestarsevaporate



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015), The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Anxiety, Emotional Hurt, Gen, Hinted Supercorp, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Sisters, Time Travel, at least not in the first chapter
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-12
Updated: 2019-07-20
Packaged: 2019-10-26 17:16:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17750135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tillthestarsevaporate/pseuds/tillthestarsevaporate
Summary: Kara tries to enlist Barry Allen's help to time-travel and prevent the inevitable erasure of Alex's mind.Inspired by the ending of S04E10: Suspicious Minds.This is primarily a Supergirl fic.Disclaimers:-This story does not feature a romantic relationship between Kara and Alex.-Barry Allen does not appear until a third of the way through the story - towards the end of chapter 2.-I have taken some liberties with the rules of time travel here. It does not come into play until halfway through the story.-This story was originally planned as four chapters but has since expanded and partially gotten out of hand. I think I'm back on track now, though, to have it at around 6-8 chapters max.Also, I am not abandoning this story, but please bear with me and the infrequent updates as I figure things out.





	1. Masters of Destiny

Kara stares at nothing, her tears threatening to fill her eyes, and takes a laboured breath.

“Who am I without you?” she asks, looking sideways at her sister and meeting her eyes. Alex’s expression mirrors her own, eyes tearing up.  “The whole reason I became Supergirl was… was to save you.” She struggles to speak, her throat constricting with tears, her eyes darting this way and that, settling on the floor.

“And I’m still going to be the reason,” Alex says as she sits down next to Kara. “And you’re still going to be Kara, my sister. I just won’t know that you’re Supergirl.”

“I’ll have to lie to you every day.”

“It’s not a lie. It’s keeping a secret, and I’m giving you permission. Now, let me save you this time.”

Kara can’t help the tears as they freely escape from their sockets. She sniffs, unable to look her sister in the eye any longer. She stares as Jon gets ready to wipe Alex’s memory. He places his hand to the side of Alex’s head.

“You ready?” He asks.

Alex sighs, “everything’s going to be okay.” She says through her tears, trying to reassure Kara one last time.

Kara attempts a last glance at Alex, to memorise her sister’s sad expression, the face that will never look at her the same way again. But the thought is too much to bear. “I can’t.”

She shakes her head and bolts out the door, slamming it in her wake.

She strides through the tears, unable to think straight. She finds herself in front of Lena’s apartment building a few minutes later. She debates going up to her friend in whom she would never be able to confide, at least not about anything related to her secret identity. Her other option would be to fly over National City - it will give her some time to think.

She can do both, but then, now that Alex doesn’t know she’s Supergirl, she will worry if Kara does not get home at her usual time.

Her eyes well back up at the thought. The realisation that she can no longer be honest with Alex hits her with the force of a rocket moving at peak speed.

Clearly, she should not be solitary with her destructive thoughts for much longer. A distraction is in order, which comes in the form of her phone’s ringtone - her favourite song. Whoever was calling must be patient, because the phone keeps ringing for a long time, leading the song to its epic crescendo.

**_“We’ll always be masters of destiny.”_ **

A line that would otherwise give her the push she needs to overcome a cumbersome situation at work, a line that has kept her going through several missions as Supergirl. In her current state, though, the only effect it has is a mere distraction.

The song promptly ceases, signalling her caller exhausting their full reserve of patience.

Kara retrieves the device from her jacket pocket, her hand brushing against her keys, and the keychain Alex gifted her on her last birthday. The vinyl figure keychain sporting her favourite _Game of Thrones_ character: Tyrion Lannister. His wit and brilliant sense of humour inspires her, but it’s not so much about him as it is about the irony of the situation. The reason Alex chose this particular character, other than him being Kara’s favourite, is her unending insistence that Kara should try to take heed in Tyrion’s example and not be so serious all the time.

How can she not be serious when she just lost a huge part of her relationship with the one person she trusts more than even herself?

Recalling why she originally reached into her pocket, she checks the phone. Alex was that extremely patient caller - not totally unpredictable. Looks like her first distraction technique, albeit accidental, has officially failed. Her sorrow constantly looms in the background, successfully taking advantage of every opportunity she finds to calm down.

Kara decides against calling her sister back, opting for a text message instead.

**Busy at work. Will call you later.**

As the crying begins to recede, Kara chooses to further pursue the distraction route, but the exact means seems to be a mystery. Everything she can think of doing reminds her of Alex in a way or another, and will probably end up intensifying her yearning. If she loses herself in a television show, there is the inevitability of continually wondering what Alex would think of a specific scene or character. If she tries to take comfort in her best friend, Lena will inquire about Alex and Kara would lack the words to explain things without revealing she is Supergirl. There only seems to be a single option that has a chance of working: helping people, as Supergirl or as Kara Danvers, Reporter Extraordinaire, as Alex likes to call her.

_Damn it, Alex. You’re fuckin’ everywhere!_

She forces her thoughts back to the matter at hand. Kara resolves to call Brainy and ask him to track the city for anyone who needs any help, no matter how simple. He says he’ll text her as soon as he finds something.

His message comes a few minutes later.

**I found the most ordinary and mundane jobs for you. I hope they offer adequate distraction and give you some sense of accomplishment.**

He follows it by a long list, then another message a minute later.

  **I am so sorry about Alex.**

_I am, too._

 

~~~~

 

Kara spends the rest of the evening on menial tasks, but the smiles and admiration she receives in return make her feel immensely lighter. She helps several families assemble IKEA tables and bookcases - it’s surprising how many were struggling. She carries an elderly woman across the street. She even ends up using her freeze breath to save a child’s ice-cream from melting and staining their clothes.

Just before sunset, her phone rings, thrusting her mind back to the present. She can’t avoid her sister for much longer. She ensures she is in a quiet area and, summoning back her Kara persona, she picks up.

“Alex, hi.”

_Why so serious, Kara? Act normal!_

“Kara, where have you been all day? I’ve been worried,” Alex says on the other side of the phone.

“I texted you. I was just busy with work.”

“No. James said you never came in today.”

“Oh.” Kara fails to come up with a better response. She should have warned James and asked him to cover for her.

“Well?” Alex prods for an answer.

“Fine,” Kara groans. “I just wasn’t feeling well, so I decided to stay home and didn’t want to worry you.”

“Really.”

Kara ignores the skepticism in her sister’s voice. “I actually just had lunch outside and I’m heading back there now.”

“Right. Kara, what’s wrong?”

“I’m fine, Alex. I promise.”

“Hmm.”

Thankfully, Alex doesn’t pressure her further and changes the subject, “Is sisters night still on or do you need to rest for the day? Why am I even asking? I’m coming over after work anyway.”

“No, no. It’s definitely on, don’t worry.” Kara closes her eyes for a moment and pulls a huge gulp of air into her nostrils. “I’ll see you at seven?”

“Make it eight. I have to get through some paperwork first.”

“Sure.”

“And call me if you need anything. I’ll bring dinner, but text me if you want a specific restaurant.”

Kara smiles. “I will. Bye.”

“Bye, Kara.”

After Alex hangs up, Kara checks the time. One hour remains until she has to face her sister - and her fears - and she had better look presentable and not break down in front of her. She can’t afford to raise her sister’s suspicion so soon, or this pain would be for nothing.

Kara makes a conscious effort to breathe. Although it comes out hitched, she forces her lips to a smiling position, and heads home.

Maybe by spending time with Alex and being normal, Kara herself will forget she’s Supergirl.

Maybe it won’t be oh-so-completely disastrous to her mental health.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this first chapter!  
> Any and all feedback would be much appreciated, but please be respectful.


	2. Dancing in a Hurricane

Kara sits in the living room with J’onn, remembering the events of the day.

During their efforts to stop the rage between the Children of Liberty and the aliens at the Harvest Fest, Supergirl had stopped Alex from firing her gun at an alien who was fighting an enraged teenager. Of course, Alex stands up for what she thinks, and this time, Supergirl was the one to bear the brunt of that. 

“This world is filled with a lot of people that are bigger and stronger than her,” Alex had said, referring to said angry teen. “And that kind of vulnerability, it makes you angry. And when you feel powerless enough, you will do anything it takes to feel strong.”

Kara’s attempt to tell Alex that she understands had backfired.

“You really think I don't know what it feels like to be vulnerable?” she had asked.

“No, I don't.” Alex’s response to Kara had been so cold, so angry, and she was caught off-guard by the hateful look in her eyes. 

The biting remark has been playing on a loop in Kara’s head since.

“The mind wipe did change Alex,” she tells J’onn as she adjusts her glasses.

“I thought lying to her one more time would help, but it goes deeper than that. The disconnection was a symptom.” 

Kara is normally not an angry person, but this whole situation is showing sides of her she never thought existed, not to this extent.   
“Alex grew up with a sister from another planet. A superhero. Without that memory, that exposure to other, her perception has changed. Her empathy has shifted.” J’onn continues. 

She knows there is logic behind what he’s saying, but she still asks for a reason, “She’s close with plenty of other aliens!” Kara says animatedly.

“You were Alex's primary relationship during her formative years. It's what formed her view of aliens, and that's what we've erased, that blood memory.”

“I have to believe that deep down, she's still our Alex,” she lies.   
“We did what we had to do, and now we have to be strong. For her.”

Clearly, J’onn is doing his best to help, but it isn’t working. The more she thinks about this whole situation, the more her hopes dwindle, and soon enough she’d be lucky if she can keep a straight face during every interaction with her sister.

Just then, the door opens and Alex strides in with a loud sigh.

“Now this is exactly what I need,” she says, not noticing the tight smile Kara gives her. 

A few nights ago, the night Alex’s memory was modified, when Kara had returned home for sisters’ night, the two women had had a lengthy discussion about how Kara worried Alex by not answering her phone. The most difficult part was that Kara had to look convincing and keep her cool while making up excuse after excuse. The old Alex would have noticed that Kara was bluffing right away, but this Alex? This Alex evidently had no freaking clue, frightening Kara as she concluded that the mindwipe also affected her sister’s personality. How had she overlooked the fact that memories, especially those from one’s childhood, shape who a person becomes? 

“After the weekend I've had, all I want to do is spend some time and relax with my two favourite people and the greatest movie of all time.”

The mention of that movie stings more than Kara expects, but she manages to play along for now. 

“I'm not sure The Terminator is relaxing, but okay.”

“Uh, T2. And it's comfort food.”

“Alex, you have fun with Kara, but I have to get going. Last-minute preparations for my new office.” J’onn interrupts.

“Yes, right. Best of luck!” Alex hugs him, then he bids them farewell.

Having sat down on the couch to wait for Alex to join her, Kara uses the time and lack of attention to take a deep breath. A few moments later, Alex occupies the rest of the sitting space. Kara notices the bandage around her hand and recalls how Supergirl stopped Alex from shooting the alien.

“Your hand,” she says.   
“Oh. Yes. Well, that is a lovely parting gift from Supergirl,” Alex huffs. “I hope your weekend was better.”

The hurt Kara feels at that comment is immeasurable. The illogical part of her brain is still unconvinced about how ridding Alex’s mind of one detail has resulted in such a drastic change. After all, there are many people in National City who love Supergirl without even meeting her. 

That same illogical part takes over when Kara opens her mouth to speak after a minute of silence.

“Alex,” she starts.

“Hmm?”

“Can we talk?”

“Of course, Kara. What’s wrong?” she nods, pausing the movie before it’s even past the intro, and looks at Kara. 

The kindness in Alex’s voice brings a thin, tearful smile to Kara’s eyes, the warmth that will never soothe. 

“I think you’re being too harsh on Supergirl.” 

Alex freezes. “How so?”

“I’m sure she was just trying to help.”

“She assaulted me and stopped me from doing my job, Kara.”

“It probably was for a good reason. Have you stopped and tried to put yourself in her position? Tried to understand her?” Kara presses. 

“She is literally the girl of steel. She has no idea what it feels like to be vulnerable. She simply does not understand.”

“That doesn’t mean she doesn’t have feelings, Alex!”

“But it does.” Alex’s words have a tone of finality to them. Kara bites a retort, and the effort of trying to keep it all in causes the tears to spring to her eyes. Alex notices, and the look of anger on her face turns into one of empathy. 

“Kara, what’s wrong? Did someone hurt you? Are you okay?”

She knows she should stop and pretend she’s fine. She knows she should just change the subject or lie and make up another possible reason for the crying, but enough is enough.

Getting up from her seat, she rushes to the door. She puts on her coat and boots.

“What are you doing? You’re worrying me, Kara.”

“I’m fine, Alex. I just need some air.”

“Let me come-”

“No. I need to be alone right now.”

Alex hesitates but seems to accept Kara’s stubbornness for the trillionth time. “Right. Call me if you need anything.”

Kara just nods, and five seconds later, she’s out, up, and away.

 

~~~~

 

Since embracing her powers and becoming Supergirl, flying over National City has become one of Kara’s most effective ways to get rid of negative thoughts. Every time she flies, she returns to the ground calmer, more collected, and ready to tackle whatever life throws at her. 

Unsurprisingly, something is quite different this time. The longer she flies, the more she overthinks her predicament.

Alex doesn’t remember her as Supergirl, and it’s all Kara’s fault. Well, Colonel Haley’s, but ultimately it’s Kara decisions that got them here. She should’ve done more the moment she realised the Colonel’s obsession was getting out of hand. She had the chance to let the Morae soldier kill Haley, and the knowledge of Supergirl’s identity would’ve died with her.

_ Kara, stop. You won’t be that person who wishes another dead. _

But how can she not? Her heart and her mind have constantly been at odds. This time, however, they are actually in agreement. Logic says that the death of that insufferable woman is the only way to fix things, and her heart could not agree more.

What if Haley had died? No one would know it was Supergirl who did it.

Kara closes her eyes, shaking her head as if to wake herself up. How could she think such evil thoughts? That’s not her. All this is her opportunistic brain trying to trick her inconsolable heart, right?

What if-

_ No, stop! _ But the idea makes itself known without permission; what if she went back in time and arrived late at the DEO,  _ accidentally _ letting the Colonel die? She’d ask Barry Allen for help. Surely he would understand, wouldn’t he? He had travelled back in time to save his mother. Yes, there were definitely consequences and he eventually ended up returning everything to normal, but even then things were never as they were. Maybe luck would be on Kara’s side, though. Maybe she needs to make this one sacrifice so she can get Alex back. 

Sometimes… sometimes, sacrifices had to be made. 

 

~~~~

 

With a made-up mind and a calmed breath, Kara decides to make a stop at Lena’s. A good distraction is the next course of action, and who better to help her than her best friend? 

She flies by the balcony of Lena’s office at L Corp, and as expected, the lights are still on, producing a silhouette on the balcony floor with the shape of a Lena Luthor. Supergirl whooshes through an abandoned back alley, and Kara Danvers emerges on the other end of the street and heads into L Corp. She is quickly ushered in and up the elevator, and Lena’s secretary just nods when she sees her.

Her knock on the office door is answered by an affirmative, and Kara enters after a hesitant second. 

“Kara!” Lena greets her with her usual beam, and for a moment, all of Kara’s troubles are forgotten. Life can turn on its head and she’d bear it as long as she gets to see that smile.

“Sorry for coming by so late. I hope you’re not busy.”

“Never too busy for you,” Lena winks, turning Kara’s previously achieved calm to discomfort and anticipation, feelings that she tries to shove aside as Lena gets up and greets her with a hug. When Lena moves to break away, Kara instinctively holds on for a bit longer, her mixed feelings settling to a sombre mood.

“Oh,” Lena whispers. “Kara, are you okay?” 

Lena squeezes Kara a bit closer, rubbing her back. Lena squeezes her shoulder as Kara eventually frees herself from the embrace. 

“I… I really needed that.”

“Sit down. Tell me what’s wrong.” 

Kara obliges. “I really just need a distraction right now. How are you?”

Sighing, Lena breaks into a stream of scientific jargon. Although she doesn’t understand most of the terms, she can easily tell how excited Lena is about her ongoing projects.

While they talked, the secretary had brought them some tea, and it helped calm Kara’s nerves.

“So I’m really excited about the potential this project has. It will change a lot of people’s lives!”

“I can tell.”

“You always get me, don’t you?” 

“Yes,” Kara answers, adjusting her glasses again. They don’t seem to stay in place today.

“Kara, this is the seventh time you’ve pushed your glasses. Are you ready to talk about it?”

Kara sucks in a deep breath through her mouth, marvelling at how Lena perceptive nature. Maybe she can ask for her advice on what she’s about to do. 

_ Be as vague as possible and everything will be fine. _

“Can I ask you something, Lena?”

Lena rolls her eyes, giving Kara the “do you need to ask permission?” look.

“Let’s say you have a chance to change something you did in the past,” Kara clears her throat. “Something good. You prevent yourself from doing it, and the consequences are not good for anyone. Except you.”

“You’re asking if I would do it?” 

“Does that make me a selfish person?”

“It depends.” Lena moves her chair closer and continues. “If this thing you want to stop yourself from doing is actually about you, then I’d say it’s okay to be selfish sometimes. That doesn’t make you a bad person, Kara.”

Lena smiles reassuringly and holds Kara’s hand, squeezing it when Kara nods. The advice Lena has given her makes the decision even harder. 

“Thanks, Lena.”

“Let me know how it goes. Whatever you decide to do, I know it’ll be the right decision. And I’ll be with you if it isn’t.”

The words elicit in Kara a certain kind of serenity. “What would I do without you?”

“What are friends for?” Lena says, raising her eyebrows in that unique Lena way, and Kara chuckles.

“I better get home now. Alex must be worried.”

“Yes, of course.”

Both women get up and come together in another long, reluctantly given-up embrace, before Kara says good night and leaves.

 

When she returns home, Alex is blissfully asleep in front of the TV. Kara switches it off and makes sure her sister is warm enough.

Back in her room, she is changing into her pyjamas when she spots something shiny at the back of her drawer - Cisco’s interdimensional extrapolator; if that wasn’t a sign that she should proceed with her plan, what is?

With renewed resolve, Kara Danvers falls asleep looking forward to the next day, for tomorrow, once she’s well-rested, she’s going to have an extremely difficult conversation with The Flash.


	3. Time is Just a Concept

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara visits STAR Labs to talk to Barry Allen. Things don't go as expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long to update. Thanks for your patience, and I hope you enjoy this!

Nudged by the searing heat upon her eyelids, Kara opens her eyes, her vision instantly falling on her bedroom door. Her enhanced hearing alerts her to the movement behind it. Using her X-ray vision, she sees a fidgeting Alex standing there, likely trying to decide whether to enter, and Kara is immediately reminded of the argument that had the night before and her plans to visit Barry on Earth-1.

A moment passes before Alex knocks and enters without waiting for a response.

“Please come in,” Kara mocks in lieu of a greeting.

“I thought you’d be asleep and was coming to wake you up.”

Kara shrugs. Last night, they had been discussing Supergirl’s motives when she hurt Alex’s hand. Kara had been of the opinion that Alex was being too harsh and had stormed out when Alex insisted that Supergirl was an emotionless alien.

“I also came to check on you,” Alex continues. “You were angry last night and never told me what’s wrong. How are you feeling now?”

At least the caring, sisterly part of Alex is unaltered by the mind-wipe. “I’m better,” Kara lies. If she pretended to be fine, she will eventually be all right.

“You know you can tell me anything, right?”

When Kara nods, Alex continues, “Breakfast is ready. Coffee, too.”

This information captures Kara’s attention. She springs from the bed and follows Alex outside to the kitchen.

They eat their breakfast without their normal, effortless companionship, and Kara finds her mind wandering to the last time she and Alex had shared breakfast. That day, Kara had woken up earlier than usual, so they had the time. She had complained about how Supergirl has been saving money and jewellery instead of people. In typical Alex fashion, Alex had helped her see the bright side - that people’s lives were not in danger and therefore they did not need saving.

Now, with the weight of the world on her shoulders, she couldn’t confide in her sister.

“I have a lead on a case, so I have to head out in a bit.”

“It’s Saturday, Kara.” Alex is rightfully surprised. It’s been a long time since Kara worked on a weekend day. “You need a break.”

“A reporter’s job never ceases,” Kara says. “I’ll tell you everything when I’m back.” Of course Kara is hoping that by the time she’s back from her _mission_ , there won’t be anything to explain because will hopefully have no memory of this conversation.

“Fine,” Alex huffs. “I guess I’ll just spend the day watching Terminator 3.” She smiles, and Kara reciprocates.

She does not know for how much longer she could keep this up.

Swallowing the last sip of coffee from her mug, she gets up. “I’ll never understand your fascination with those movies. What do you have against a good old rom-com?”

At that, Alex rolls her eyes. Kara cannot explain the relief that floods her - Alex hadn’t forgotten what movies Kara likes.

“I’ll see you later. And don’t forget to check in so I know you’re okay.”

“Of course,” Kara says.

Ten minutes later, Kara is ready to go. She checks her bag one last time to make sure the interdimensional extrapolator is there, then heads out.

 

~~~~~

 

Kara arrives at the alley next to CatCo., the one that witnessed her first rescue mission when she first embraced her powers, when she saved the plane Alex was on from crashing. The fact that for every milestone she crossed, as Supergirl or otherwise, Alex had been there strengthens her resolve to carry out her plan.

Scanning her surroundings for any intruders, she retrieves the extrapolator and confirms it’s correctly calibrated, the way Cisco had shown her. She pressed the button and jumped in as soon as the breach fully appeared.

The first thing she lays her eyes on when she exits on the other side is the unoccupied STAR Labs cortex, and the lights turn on automatically, triggered by her entrance.

“Hello?” Kara calls into the empty room. “Barry? Cisco?”

For a moment, there is no answer, then she hears footsteps behind her. “Can I help you?” A voice asks. Turning around, she sees the source of the question - a short woman with short brown hair. Before she can respond to the question the other woman resumes talking.

“Wait, I know you! You’re Supergirl!” Her face alight, she moves towards Kara and extends her hand for a shake. A stunned Kara stares and fails to come up with the appropriate response to claim she isn’t Supergirl. “I’m Nora. Barry is my father. I’m so excited to finally meet you!” Nora squeals.

The realisation hits Kara. Nora, of course, who else would she be? They haven’t met before, Barry had told her all about how his daughter came back from the future and helped him defeat The Thinker. It certainly makes sense that she knows her identity.

“Oh, hi! Barry has told me a lot about you.” Kara beams and enthusiastically shakes Nora’s hand, trying her best to not let her sour mood influence her first impression on Nora.

“You must be looking for my dad. I’ll go get him,” Nora says as she disconnects their hands.

For the hundredth time today, Kara doesn’t get the time to respond. Someone else walks into the room.

“Kara!” Barry says and moves in for a hug, which Kara gratefully accepts, holding on for longer than she usually would. Not one to miss such subtleties, Barry squeezes tighter. “Are you okay?” He asks and pulls an inch away to look at her.

For a few more minutes, Kara willingly forgets what she came to ask Barry to do and just clings to the comfort she’s been denied for days. Tears blur her vision when she tries to answer his question, and he pulls her in again as she latches on to him for dear life.

She has never let Barry see her like this, but it’s difficult to care when he is her only source of solace, not even when his daughter, a stranger, is still in the room, likely watching. Not even when anyone could walk in on them at any moment.

For now, Kara only holds on.

 

~~~~~

  
  
“So let me make sure I get this right. The president wanted to know your real identity and that Colonel - Haley, yes? - she interrogated the DEO agents and found out you’re Supergirl,” Barry reiterates the story, and Kara affirms. “Then J’onn erased her memory. You saw that thing that forces people to tell the truth at the DEO then decided to erase the memories of all agents who know who you are.”

“Including Alex,” Kara forces out, though her throat tightens.

“Yes,” Barry frowns, adjusts his sitting position on the couch. He had taken Kara to the lounge once her crying subsided.

“Wow,” Nora whispers. “This is awesome. I mean, not awesome. But still awesome!”

Kara can’t help the smile on her face.

 _She is me_.

Out loud, she says nothing and looks to Barry instead.

“She reminds me of you sometimes,” he tells her, his smile appearing for a split second, his expression turning serious once again. “How are you dealing with all this? You must be devastated.”

Kara realises this is the perfect time to ask her question, so she doesn’t waste more time. “I need your help, Barry.”

“Of course. Anything. As long as it doesn’t involve time-travel,” he says.

Kara firmly stares him in the eye. One could hear a safety pin drop on the floor, and the silence lasts for what seems like ages.

“What? No, Kara. Absolutely not!”

“Barry, please.”

“I can’t Kara. You know the -”

“Repercussions, yes, I know. But I really need this, Barry. It won’t even affect your Earth.

“You don’t know that. For all we know, everything is connected,” he almost shouts,  his voice a hint above his normal volume.

Again, Kara pleads to no avail.

“I’m sorry, Kara. I can help you with anything, but not this. Time travel is never the solution.”

She looks to Barry, waiting, hoping he’d change his mind. When he doesn’t budge, she glances sideways to find Nora sitting still, her head bowed, staring at her own knees.

“We can look for another solution together if you want.”

“No, Barry. It’s fine.” Kara rises from her seat. Coming here was a mistake.

“Kara, don’t go.”

Kara concedes when it dawns on her there is no convincing The Flash to change his mind.

“It’s okay. Thank you for everything. I have to go now,” Kara says with confidence she doesn’t feel. She heads out the door - Barry does not follow - and towards the cortex. She has started contemplating other ways to achieve her goal when she hears Nora’s voice.

“Wait,” she tells Kara. “I want to help.”

Hope reignites in her chest even as she becomes sceptic of Nora’s offer. “What about your father?”

“He doesn’t have to know.” Kara recognises this for what it is: the first sign of danger. But a part of her reminds her that it’s the only choice she’s got.

“Why do you want to help me, Nora?”

Nora fidgets. “Let’s just say I understand the need to travel through time to help the people I care about.”

Kara’s suspicion simmers down as she finds comfort in understanding. “Well, Nora, let’s do this.” She can’t help the excitement washing over her voice and she beams. She is quite bewildered at her sudden mood shift, but how can she be anything but that at the rebirthed possibility of saving Alex no matter what?

“Shway!”

Kara raised eyebrows prompt Nora to explain, “It’s this thing we say, in the future. It means ‘cool’.”

Another laugh from Kara, and she wonders what has gotten into her.

 

Kara and Nora continue their walk to the cortex afterwards. Kara presses the button on her interdimensional extrapolator and gestures for Nora to jump into the breach. Before jumping in, Nora tells Kara the one thing that ultimately pushes away any doubts she had about the plan, and she doesn’t ask Nora for an explanation.

“By the way, last week, I time-travelled to the same time point fifty-two times. It barely changed the timeline.”

Kara suspects that this is a conversation for another time, and so she follows quietly, praying that she gets as lucky and doesn’t ruin someone else’s life.

Although at this point it would be worth it.

Anything would be worth it to save Alex.


	4. The Mystery of Time

Kara and Nora emerge in the same alley Kara travelled from initially. The sun was high in the sky, signalling midday.

Kara does not know if Alex has gone back to her own place, but she prefers not to take any risks. Though if she thinks about it, it doesn’t matter, considering how she’s going back in time and all.

There is really no need to wait, so she immediately beckons for Nora to proceed.

“I’m all for spontaneity, but can we go over a more specific plan first?” asks Nora.

“Go back in time. Fix the problem. Let things play out normally after that. Simple.” Kara opts for giving only the minimal amount of information to this stranger who agreed to help her. Just because Nora offered to help without anything in return does not mean she owes her the whole truth. Besides, the less Nora knows, the safer she is. She’d hate to answer to Barry if anything happened to his daughter under her watch, especially that Nora is here without his knowledge.

“Trust me, Nora. It’s best if you don’t know.”

“Are you doing something illegal?”

Kara neither answers nor lets her face betray her shock at the question.

Nora seems to consider this. “Right. How far do we need to go?”

Kara gives Nora an approximate time stamp on the day they erased Alex’s memory.

 

~~~~

 

Supergirl can run fast. Not as fast as The Flash, but still quite fast. So when Nora holds her hand and tells her to hold on, she doesn’t think much of it. Nora starts running in place, then proceeds to take on the streets of National City, getting faster by the millisecond, leaving Kara in her head regretting underestimating the speedster.

The speedster and the super girl run through time, Supergirl bearing witness to a number of distorted scenes. Nora’s memories, she assumes. One image that particularly stands out is one of Nora sitting on the ground, holding a woman around her age, crying. The woman lay still, her eyes closed as Nora’s forcefully shed tears.

The scene changes. Now she sees a puzzled Barry and a more confused Iris, both surrounded by the rest of their family.

The image disappears, having lasted only a split second, unlike the previous one.

“We’re about to arrive. Get ready to jump,” Nora warns, and Kara tries to clear her mind and anticipate the upcoming jump. A minute passes, and another, then Nora shouts, “Now!” She gives the signal, and Kara follows her lead.

It’s a common misconception that superheroes never get tired, for Kara needs to breathe for a few minutes before regaining enough stability to function.

“Is this the right time?” Nora asks.

Kara glances around them, looking for a clock. She stops a friendly-enough passer-by and asks for the time. The stranger lifts her hand and points her digital wrist-watch in Kara’s direction. 3:06 PM on January 20, 2019. Close enough. About half an hour to go until the attack at the DEO.

“Thank you.” Kara smiles to the stranger and confirms to Nora that their mission is so far successful.

As the bystander leaves, Nora turns to Kara. “Let’s go, then.”

“Where?” Didn’t Kara tell her that the less she knew the better? “It’s safer for everyone if I do this alone. I already told you.”

“I know, but I still want to help. Please tell me if there is _something_ I can do.” Nora seems hopeful, and Kara hates to be the one to wipe that anticipation off her face. But Kara wouldn’t forgive herself if anything happened to her.

Suddenly, however, an idea for a compromise materialises in Kara’s head. She retrieves the Signal Watch from her bag and gives it to Nora. It wouldn’t hurt to know someone has her back as she embarks on this mission.

“Press the button once, I come. Press it twice, I know it’s a trap.”

Kara indirectly hints that she might need Nora’s help and asks her to stay in National City for some time. “Just in case.”

“Okay.” Nora widely smiles.

“Great,” Kara says. She also makes quick work of giving Nora the address as well as the key to her apartment. She tells her to try to stay there in the event Kara needs to find her.

The more Kara lets her think she is helping, the brighter her smile turns. Oh, how she misses that genuine hope. But she has it, doesn’t she? Her plan to save Alex makes her optimistic, right?

Although she knows now that Nora had experienced terrible pain in the past.

Still, she came out of it and remained hopeful, from what Kara can see, willing to help someone she barely knows with a task she barely understands. Some might call that naivety, but Kara knows it comes more so from selflessness. She does the same when she knows that people depend on her as Supergirl. For not the first time since they met, Kara realises how similar they are.

She thanks her again - all the while the smile not leaving Nora’s expression - bids her goodbye, and their paths diverge.

It’s time to do what she knows she will likely come to regret. If she doesn’t try, she would never know the answer to that.

It’s time to let a particularly bitter colonel die.

 

~~~~

 

Knowing she is unwelcome, Supergirl arrives at the DEO.

Another thing she knows is that Alex, Haley, and the rest of the agents are fighting for their lives this very moment as she lays low and tries to get to the scene of the attack unnoticed. Recalling what she did the first time she was here, she made her way to the trap door of the prison complex.

A while back, Querl had explained to her that some of the rules of time-travel on Earth-38 are different from those on Earth-1. According to him, in order to enforce the rule that only one version of a person can exist at any specific point in time, when she time-travelled, the version of her that existed at her destination should have gotten replaced by her current self. She hopes she doesn’t accidentally run into herself.

The closer she gets to the trap door, the more the opposition grows against the invisible aliens, but the DEO is in too much chaos for the agents to pay her any attention. She makes quick work of whoever stands in her way to the Colonel – there were at least three soldiers blindly fighting in their panic.

Once at one side of the door separating her from her targets, she employs her magnified hearing ability to predict what’s happening beyond the wall. She realises she doesn’t really need super-hearing after all; a moment later, the screams erupt from the other side.

Colonel Haley.

Kara bides her time, and the screams intensify.

The guilt threatens to make its presence known, and her inner screams are close to drowning her.

She must not give in. She is literally the _Girl of Steel_ , right?

_Inside and out._

The memory kicks her in the chest with a force that almost matches that of Kryptonite.

Nevertheless, she persists.

Kara has to make a conscious effort to regulate her breaths before her panic attacks from over a year prior make yet another appearance.

Calm, deep breaths. Slow.

Don’t think.

Breathe.

Don’t think.

“Stop!” she says out loud. It’s all for Alex. At this point, it does not matter that her sister would probably not approve of the way she’s choosing to do things.

She still loves her.

The screams suddenly stop, and Kara knows her mission is almost accomplished. She summons a final deep breath before tearing the lead door from its hinges and entering the complex.

She takes in the scene.

Colonel Haley’s breathless, lifeless form lays on the floor, the injured, once-invisible alien now partially visible and staggering towards a weakened Alex on the ground. In a split-second decision, Kara speeds to her sister and knocks down the alien.

Alex’s laboured breaths are now the only sound in the room. Kara runs to her.

“Alex, are you okay?” Kara knows it’s not the right time for the thought, but she realises how much she’s missed that look of recognition on Alex’s face.

“Yes, yes. I think so,” she says between panicked sobs. That’s when Kara looks more closely at her and sees the tears burning her cheeks.

“She’s dead, Kara. She’s dead.” Alex rushes to Haley’s body, seemingly not believing her own words as she checks for a pulse. She turns to Kara, shakes her head in resignation.

For a minute, her old self feels awful. But the Girl of Steel takes control once again, steels herself, her heart, and puts the mask back on.

“I’m sorry, Alex. I’m really sorry I couldn’t get here on time.” Her first lie.

Alex nods, unable to speak, her eyes pained as she looks to her sister. Her sobs strengthen, and Supergirl holds her as the DEO agents start reappearing and assessing the crime scene.

Only they don’t know that the murderer remains in the room.

Still breathing.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realise this chapter seemed anticlimactic, but my muse hasn't been cooperative about this story.  
> I hope you liked it anyway.


	5. In Another Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologise for the lengthy wait! This is a shorter chapter, but I can promise that I'm already working on the following one and have finally planned the full story. The next updates should be sooner than before.

It’s been only a week since her superior officer was murdered. This morning, sooner than she expected, Director Alex Danvers was informed that the president has assigned a new Colonel to take charge of the DEO. A Colonel Reece is set to arrive early the next morning, and Alex cannot help the sick feeling in her stomach. Of course, she knows that an officer’s death should hinder their former responsibilities as little as possible. She knows the president is right to have found a replacement as soon as possible. But she also knows that all the agents at the DEO are still grieving. _She_ is still grieving, even though Haley hadn’t been the friendliest person to deal with.

 _Death changes everything_ , she thinks. Not to mention how she never stopped questioning the president’s decision to assign Haley, or anyone, to lead an organisation that already employs a director in the first place.

Maybe the president does not trust a grieving director to perform her duties. That makes sense, yes. Not when Haley was assigned, but certainly now.

Suspicion threatens to surface when an emergency alert jolts Alex to the present – yet another jailbreak attempt in so few days. Following her first instinct, she immediately contacts Supergirl through her earpiece. She orders four agents to stall the escaping prisoner – “no lethal weapons” – until Supergirl’s arrival, all the while briefing her sister about the situation. Only a minute passes before Kara swoops in through the open balcony, and Alex directs her to the mission awaiting her. A thirty-second heroic performance later, Supergirl had apprehended the alien, handing him to the agents, who take him back to his cell.

“Supergirl, thanks for the help,” Alex says to Kara once they’ve both returned to the Command Centre. She cannot risk calling her sister by her real name anymore.

“I have to go. I’m needed elsewhere,” Kara says a beat later.

Kara’s new affinity for frowning and clipped replies still surprises her. Since Haley’s death, her sister has felt like a stranger, far away, constantly zoning out during conversations, and returning to Alex with a single-word response and an excuse to disappear. It’s really no wonder that Kara is carrying some guilt about not arriving in time to save Haley, but Alex knows something else is wrong, something that Kara refuses to admit whenever Alex prods her.

Kara had felt guilty before, many times. But she always talked to Alex about it. There are several reasons Kara can become closed off, but Alex is almost certain guilt isn’t one of them, or if it was, it wouldn't have that immense of an effect like the current situation. Once again, though, Alex nods to Supergirl, letting her go without saying more than she already did. She can tell her about the new Colonel’s assignment later.

 

~~~~

 

That night before dinner, Kara is as silent as her new norm dictates. She is also late, which gives Alex the perfect conversation starter when she asks her to use her heat vision to warm the pizza that had gone cold. Kara drops her bag next to the apartment’s door and makes her way over to the table. She seems lost in thought, like she’s already forgotten about Alex’s request.

“Kara, your heat vision?”

“Right.” Kara emerges from her head and heats the food as she takes her seat opposite her sister’s. Alex glimpses a smile on her face, one that vanishes at light-speed, and she wonders what could have triggered it. She’s really missed that smile.

When the food has been warmed, Alex springs the subject of the new Colonel’s appointment on Kara, whose eyes widen in response as she takes the first enormous bite from her pepperoni pizza.

“I guess that means I can no longer show up at the DEO like I did today.” That’s the most Kara has said in one instance for the entirety of the previous week.

“Yes,” Alex answers. “But more importantly, if Haley’s behaviour was any indication, the president has probably ordered this Colonel Reece to continue the investigation into Supergirl’s secret identity.”

“So what are we going to do now?” Kara asks, looking at Alex questioningly, as if Alex is the only person who can answer that impossible question. The hopeful expression on Kara’s face has become so rare that Alex resorts to a really random response instead of letting her sister down.

“The same thing we do every night, Kara.”

Kara stares at her, probably puzzled at Alex’s use of ‘tonight’ when they both know that this is not a problem that can be solved overnight. So Alex rolls her eyes and adds indifferently, “Try to take over the world!”

Alex didn’t think she could get such a reaction tonight, but Kara stares at her for a second then bursts into laughter, almost choking on her food. Granted, it eventually just turns into a beam, but Alex will take what she can get. The initial surprise that registers in Alex fills her chest with relief as she takes a deep breath, warmly returning Kara’s smile.

“There she is!” Alex tells her. “You have no idea how much I missed that smile.”

Kara’s face faintly falls. “I know,” she whispers. “I am trying, Alex. I really am.”

Alex, her own smile faltering, swallows her food. “You know I’ll always be there if you need to talk, right?”

“I know that, silly,” Kara responds with a half-smile, and Alex reaches for her hand across the table - Kara does not pull away. “I promise I will tell you everything when I’m ready.”

“I knew it,” Alex says, squeezing her sister’s hand. At least now Kara is admitting that there _is_ something else bothering her.

“You always do,” comes Kara’s whisper.

 

~~~~

 

It only takes a week for Alex to start complaining about Colonel Reece – a victory in and of itself compared to the one day it took when Haley was first assigned. It still feels strange getting her commands from someone else. This time around, however, there is a total lack of commendation and a significant presence of harsh directives and a complete disregard for Alex’s leadership. It’s with these frequent realisations that Alex finds herself genuinely missing the late Colonel.

“Director Danvers, update about the search for Supergirl’s identity,” comes Reece’s firm, almost always angry voice.

Yes, she definitely misses Haley, and she notices her mind slowly drifting to her sister at the thought. She puts her meandering mind on pause to answer the question. “Nothing new, Sir.” She salutes when she feels his eyes moving to her hands, then to her head. “None of the prisoners we have been questioning knows anything, and they have no reason to lie.”

“You almost sound defensive, director.”

“I am not, Sir. I assure you. I was at the beginning, but now I understand why we need the information,” Alex says, not letting her face expose her lie.

“Very well. Report to the Command Centre in three,” Colonel Reece does not wait for a confirmation or another salute before exiting the meeting room where Alex has been finishing the reports of the morning’s missions. She's been extremely careful to alter the details of Supergirl’s involvement - she cannot mention anywhere that the superhero had arrived only after Alex had summoned her.

Later that night, Alex would not stop talking about Reece’s headache-inducing ability to anger everyone around him while still keeping his cool. It’s baffling, and the situation is made worse because of the passionate person that Alex is. She finds it impossible not to continually butt heads with him.

Kara sits and listens, occasionally nodding or providing verbal agreement with Alex’s concerns. Alex has been slowly noticing progress in Kara’s demeanour, so she stops talking, long minutes later, when she realises her constant whining is not what Kara needs right now. Or at any other time, not until she returns to the hopeful, warm person she used to be. Until then, Alex decides to stray from negativity-inducing conversations.

And that’s why she is caught off-guard when Kara finishes her potstickers quite nonchalantly, drops the plate on the coffee table, and turns to stare Alex in the face for a beat too long. She sighs soundly, as if gathering the courage to utter the words that she will say next, then, “Alex, I think I’m ready to talk. I can't keep it inside any longer. The anger, the guilt, they’re getting too strong to handle.” Alex’s heart swells with worry, the mention of anger causing a crease in her forehead. She inadvertently tightens her grip around her chopsticks, releasing them the instant she notices what she’s doing.

She has a feeling that the upcoming revelation is going to change a lot of things between them, so she vows to understand, no matter what. No matter what, she will be there for Kara through it.

No matter what, she will reign her anger and disappointment in.

Oh, how so very wrong she was...


End file.
